LESSONS FROM MR SINGH MUKESH AND ADVOCATE A.P SINGH OF THE DELHI BUS RAPE; RAPE IS NOT TRIVIAL

In order to put this blogpost in perspective, I have deemed it fit to give a background story. The 2012 Delhi gang rape case involved a rape and fatal assault that occurred on 16 December 2012 in Munirka, a neighbourhood in South Delhi, when a 23-year-old female physiotherapy intern, was beaten and gang raped in a private bus in which she was travelling with a male friend. There were six others in the bus, including the driver, all of whom raped the woman and beat her friend. On 19 December 2012, the woman underwent her fifth surgery, removing most of her remaining intestine. The woman died from her injuries thirteen days later while undergoing emergency treatment in Singapore. The incident generated widespread national and international coverage and was widely condemned, both in India and abroad. Subsequently, public protests against the state and central governments for failing to provide adequate security for women took place in New Delhi, where thousands of protesters clashed with security forces. Similar protests took place in major cities throughout the country. The suspects were found guilty and sentenced to death by hanging. (Source: Wikipedia)
On 10 January, one of their lawyers, Manohar Lal Sharma, said in a media interview that the victims were responsible for the assault because they should not have been using public transportation and, as an unmarried couple, they should not have been on the streets at night. He went on to say: “Until today I have not seen a single incident or example of rape with a respected lady. Even an underworld don would not like to touch a girl with respect.”[98] He also called the male victim “wholly responsible” for the incident because he “failed in his duty to protect the woman.
kale nowulila

After the world had supposedly recovered from the shock, one of the accused deemed it fit to give an interview to the BBC which can be found at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/11443462/Delhi-bus-rapist-blames-his-victim-in-prison-interview.html In the interview, Mukesh Singh blames his victim for being responsible for her rape. His view is that “When being raped, she shouldn’t fight back. She should just be silent and allow the rape.” And if you think that was the end of his comments, you will want to hear the next sentence “A decent girl won’t roam around at 9 o’clock at night. A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy. Boy and girl are not equal. Housework and housekeeping is for girls, not roaming in discos and bars at night doing wrong things, wearing wrong clothes. About 20 per cent of girls are good.” He also has one final analysis of the impact of his sentence “”The death penalty will make things even more dangerous for girls,” he says. “Before, they would rape and say, ‘Leave her, she won’t tell anyone.’ Now when they rape, especially the criminal types, they will just kill the girl. Death.”
sperm

The lawyers who defended the gang in court express similarly extreme views about women who venture out at night. In a previous televised interview, lawyer AP Singh said: “If my daughter or sister engaged in pre-marital activities and disgraced herself and allowed herself to lose face and character by doing such things, I would most certainly take this sort of sister or daughter to my farmhouse, and in front of my entire family, I would put petrol on her and set her alight.”
stupid folks

It has been a long time since I read the kind of nonsense I read in an interview. My theory when it comes to rape has always been that if you cannot talk about rape without blaming the victim, then maybe you need to just shut up. Rape is not some sort of joke. Rape is a lifelong pain, is an action whose side effects last a lifetime and which ultimately cannot be one to be a subject of a joke. As such how we talk about rape is crucial. How the media writes about rape and what we as a society do about rape are also crucial points.

rape

The picture above perfectly describes the dilemma that every rape case brings. Every time a rape occurs, the holier-than-thou society leaves the perpetrator for a second and concentrates on the victim. It is quick to blame the victim by analyzing dress code, time of the day and whether or not the victim was drunk at the time of the incident. And you know what? This is total crap. The actual questions that should be asked is what kind of families are bringing up rapists? Is there something that can be done for our men so that they grow up knowing that all sex must be consensual? Instead of our solutions being geared towards stopping our men from becoming rapists, we are more bothered with finding a way to stop our women from being “rape-able”!

There is no debate when it comes to rape. No debate whatsoever. The only way to fix a rape problem and ultimately end rape is for rapists to reform. Not women to dress more decently or for women not to move at night or any other ridiculous solution being advanced to curtail the freedom of women to dress as they choose or go wherever they want to. The solution is simple; NON CONSENSUAL SEX IS WRONG. DO NOT RAPE WOMEN. Sex is something you do together and not something you do to someone else.

Victims of sexual assault and rape do not ask for it in anyway, as advanced by Mukesh and his advocate. The burden of preventing rape does not fall on the woman or the victim. Just because someone has had a little too much to drink does make rape justifiable. Just because someone is wearing a short skirt does not mean that their rape is justifiable in anyway. The legal principle of leaving a person the way you found them still applies and is good law.

I am a firm believer in not giving any airplay to perpetrators of rape and hence I am trying to understand BBC’s ethical and moral basis for providing Mukesh and his advocate airplay to continue perpetrating the contents of their brain matter. Is there not a limit to media quest for interviews? What next? Wont we soon be giving interviews to Kony to tell us how all the children he abducts and forces to become child soldiers called for it? i deem it common sense not to give prominent platforms to regressive rape apologists and rapists. They should be treated as outcasts in society and never heard about. Do not give them airplay to advance their theories.

It is even more important to take rape seriously because Victims of sexual assault are:

3 times more likely to suffer from depression.

6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.

13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.

26 times more likely to abuse drugs.

4 times more likely to contemplate suicide. (www.rainn.org)
Rape is not a joke. Do not trivialize it. Do not belittle it. And most certainly, do not blame the victims.
In the 21st century, i can’t believe we still have to protest this kind of shit.

WHY I AM NOT MARRIED YET!

If there is anything i can boast about, it is my circle of married friends and boy, do i have that many! I have always wondered why i seem to attract married girls as friends and why many of my guy friends are either married or headed to the altar. Maybe because i am determined that when i finally say “I do”, I intend for that commitment to be for life. Pursuant to that intention, I have taken it upon myself to learn everything I can possibly learn about marriage and i boast of a wealth of knowledge (albeit theoretical) in that area. I have read books, watched movies, sat under the feet of marriage counselors and paid as much attention as i can in that area. That notwithstanding, i am not yet married.

I will credit many of the couples that I know for my decision not to get married. When you spend a considerable amount of time listening to married people, watching their body language and interpreting their actions and unspoken words, you learn a great deal of information and whereas sometimes you want what they have, most times you are convinced to stay away from marriage, atleast for now. I am also an ardent fan of a certain Facebook page where women discuss everything marriage, children and spouses. A few men managed to sneak their way into this group. The more i read the posts, the more I become steadfast in my status.

Maybe i am judging the future boo very harshly based on other peoples’ experiences but again, caution is part of reasonable choices and i cant help it. On one of the facebook groups, a lady asked fellow ladies the one habit their husband has that makes them go nuts. There were 3 specific habits that everyone seemed to be complaining about:
1. Throwing their socks all over the house and then asking for them the next day.
2. Not helping with any housework.
3. Disorganizing the house.

When it comes to socks, i can relate because i know so many culprits including my own father. (Dad, i still love you but i just embarrassed you) Personally throwing one’s socks all over the house is annoying enough. Asking me for your socks the next day is even more annoying. My reply to the socks question was simple. If a man ever asks me for his socks, all hell shall break loose. Like, are you limbless or blind that u can’t look for them yourself or are u a toddler and I am your mother? And why are grown men throwing their socks around as if their wives are Nabugabo Upland Ltd (the guys with the tender to collect KCCA rubbish) Can’t they put their socks in one place? I dont see wives asking their husbands where their bras and panties are, yet i see grown men asking where their socks are.

Reminds me of a habit i had in school. I hated washing stockings and i still hate it to date. (Dear future hubby, take note that this girl will never be found washing your stockings or your hankies. I am not touching your “carbon-mugele” or your mucus for that matter) Because i hated washing socks, i would go to school with atleast 10 pairs of stockings and on Friday night, i would sock them all up in Omo and JIK. I would change the water on Saturday morning and sock them in fresh water and only wash them on Sunday. Gosh, i hate washing socks! I just don’t understand why someone would expect me to pick after them, organise their socks or wash them for that matter. With all due respect to persons with disabilities, i am looking for a man with 2 hands who can wash his own socks!

Another person posted ” I give him food but he leaves the plate where he has eaten from. Then when he wants water which by the way is always within his reach, he still wants you to pour it for him….”

Totally reminds me of our insanely-beautiful African moms.

Totally reminds me of our insanely-beautiful African moms.

Why don’t grown up people pick after themselves? Why? It actually bothers me so much and i am starting to think that maybe, just maybe, common sense is becoming deficient in some people. Or maybe i am still struggling to accept that many of our men have the African chief syndrome. They were brought up to be served and nothing else. Like African chiefs, they do not want to lift a finger and wait for their subjects (read wife) to do everything for them. That is why i am not married.

Did i mention the scarcity of honorable men today? Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being. These honorable men have become extinct to the extent that even when you meet one, you doubt him from the start! In addition, even choosing is difficult. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. No sensible woman wants to go through this cycle of pain and sorrow in order to get their Knight. I am glad God has kept me from this drama till todate and i have not gone through that gut wrenching string. But the more you see people go through it, the more you start to even doubt what you have although you cant help but be appreciative for the person God has brought your way. *wink*

But the biggest reason why i am not married is because i am still VERY SELFISH! Yeah i said it, I am selfish! I love myself too much. Much as someone may have taken parts of my heart, there is still that place that is strictly for me. I love myself that much that i am not ready to lose focus of me just yet and make someone else my focus. Yet, If you’re not ready to leave center stage and allow someone else to become your focus, your study, your muse… don’t get married. In marriage you don’t lose yourself but your heart has to be big enough to gain someone else. And soon, with God’s blessing: little, crying, diaper soiling, demanding little ones are coming! Do i think i am at that place where i can put my dreams aside? No! Do i think i can allow someone else to become my focus in a marriage setting? No! Do i think i can allow someone to share my house space with and my bed with? No! Am i ready to account for my every move to someone? No! And not because my movements are shady. Its simply because i have never been a fan of accounting for where i have been or where i am heading out to. Sometimes i am worried that i am too absorbed in myself that i haven’t allowed him to have a proper look inside.

Coupled with all the drama surrounding marriages today, maybe my status right now is what is best for me. The rate at which people are filing for divorces and legal separation is also a big issue especially when you work in the legal profession. You always ask yourself “Where did the love go?” “What happened?” And your guess to the answers is as good as mine. And in a nutshell, that is why i am not yet married. But there is hope for the fig tree.

AN OPEN LETTER TO A MAN OF VALOUR; EDDIE SSEMAKULA

Dear Eddie Ssemakula,
I am seated here in my humble, yet-not-humble air conditioned office on Rwenzori Towers. It finally dawned on me that you are about to take a very big leap in your life, a huge leap in your journey of salvation and a huge leap in society. It is a huge leap in your life because you have finally found your missing rib and are now whole without any missing rib, It is a huge leap in your journey of salvation because you are about to become a Priest in a household and be the priest over the damsel that God has trusted you with. It is a huge leap in society because unfortunately, society does not recognize you among the table of men unless you have a significant other. I do not know if that even makes spiritual sense after all celibacy is also Godly but munange, we are in this world although we are not of this world!

Eddie Ssemakula, i cannot exactly remember the circumstances that led to our first meeting but all i know is that we have Facebook to thank God for because Facebook was the initial place before i downloaded you and met you at the White House. That initial physical meeting led to an interview on your radio talk show then, ” The Twenty Something” although at the time, i am not even sure i had clocked the “twenty something” age! I was probably still a teen. But that marked a journey of friendship that i look back at with so much pride.

Eddie, i can confidently say that i have known you for a while! I have tested your spirit and i can confidently stand up and testify that you are a good man, with all your imperfections and with all the drama you make with Gerard, Kasami and Martin (the serial single peeps). Imperfect or not, every Rose has a thorn but that is what makes it beautiful. Your love for the Lord is not something that can be disputed and your love for journalism and reading is something that challenges me a poor sinner! Over the years, i have taunted you about your single hood but you have taken it in good faith and never have you chosen to be offended. (Please do not return the favor because i will cry) It is just sad that you have left behind that Gerard whose name keeps changing year in and year out mbu kati he is called Aruari. (Mscchhttwwww). There is also another one who went oversees but still came back as single as can be. He refused to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living and refused to possess the land God gave him together with the damsels in it. Then there is also a certain musumba naye oyo let me excuse him kubanga “touch not my anointed.”

I have known Rhionah for a few years now. My memories of her are her days in CCE, as a GRC. I wont lie that i liked her so much then; it was probably my proud self that just wanted to stick to my circles coupled with the fact that when i stood for a certain post, she was supporting a rival camp. Once that childishness of beefing was out of the way, i was able to see her for who she was especially when we met at Soul Sisters; someone passionate about the things of God, a girly girl and a lady with a heart of gold. I wouldn’t be prouder of your choice for a life partner.

To us the lawyers, 1st November will be taken to be your wedding date and we shall recognise you as married w.e.f 1st November. In the eyes of the church, you will only be married on the 27th of December 2014, a wedding date you share with good friends of mine, Laura Byaruhanga and Businge Leonard. I am sure you will have a glamorous marriage. Rhionah being the girly girl will obviously pay attention to details; the theme colour, the fashion and style of her wedding dress and that of the maids’ dresses, the cake, the decor, the music, the food, the cars, the venue. Yes, you will pay so much detail to those because a wedding comes once in a lifetime.

Eddie, you will pass the test of a wedding. I am sure of that because you have an awesome team of friends that will go all the way to make your day happen and add color and laughter to it.

Eddie Ssemakula, DO NOT FAIL THE MARRIAGE!!!

I will repeat this one last time; PASS THE WEDDING BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY PASS THE MARRIAGE. Eddie, i say this because we live in a fallen and broken world. We live in a world where we are fixated with the prospect of a glamorous wedding and forget about what is most important; the marriage. Once we have finished watching you dancing to your first song and have eaten our share of the cake, we shall abandon you and go back to our homes and our worlds. You will then be stuck with a fellow sinner with no manual on how to handle the sinner other than the word of God. Eddie, do not fail the marriage.

I have seen so many people in love; promising heaven and earth to each other and giving us all a glimpse of heaven on earth. Months later, you meet the same people and they are but a shadow of their former selves. Eddie, do not fail the marriage test. As a Christian, your marriage is not only about you, its kingdom business and its church business. It reminds me of my favorite Sunday School song “They are watching you, marking all you do, hearing the things that you say. Let them see the savior as he shines in you…” Yes Eddie, you will be expected to model what a Christian marriage should be like. Eddie, do not fail the marriage test.

Eddie, every marriage can be fixed if we are willing to fix it and come to a realization that a marriage is two imperfect people bringing an imperfect love before a perfect God. It is the realization that the race is not for the swift and neither is the battle for the strong ones. It is the realization that “Jesus at the center of it all, from beginning to the end, it will always be, it has always been you Jesus. Nothing else matters, nothing in this world will do, Jesus you are the center, everything revolves around you, Jesus you’re at the center of it all” Eddie, do not fail the marriage.

Eddie, do not ever relegate or decentralize your duties as the man in the home. Take your duties seriously. Priest, Protector and Provider! If you ever fail at the second and third, at least succeed at the first; BE THE PRIEST OF YOUR HOME! Eddie, i am not married myself but i can assure you that people are slowly taking God out of the equation and as a result, they are failing their marriages. Be the priest of your home! You can sleep on an empty stomach but you cannot sleep without the congregation at the family altar. A Godless marriage is a difficult one Eddie and you should never ever trade that path. Eddie, do not fail your marriage.

As you prepare to wrap gifts and behold the sight of a damsel in a gomesi tomorrow followed by the usual culprits led by Theo, Leletu, Treasure and the Soul Sisters, i want you to know that i will be praying for you and wish you the absolute best on your introduction/ wedding date. Enjoy your day. But most importantly, DO NOT FAIL THE MARRIAGE.

Yours faithfully,
A lady looking on from the sidelines.

THE JOURNEY TO FINDING BOAZ AND RUTH

The name Boaz is not new to those of us who grew up in church and those of us who found ourselves in church somehow.  The story of BOAZ in Ruth 2 has become a cornerstone for finding love, finding the one and keeping him/her. I know the impact of this story first hand because i have encountered so many of BOAZ’s cousins in my lifetime and by the grace of God, i have managed to run away and flee for my life every single time.

Today, i thought i would share with you all my lessons from the story of Boaz and Ruth and hopefully they will save someone’s heart from a heartbreak and disappointments. The story of Boaz is a story for each and everyone of us who is still in this journey of finding the one and those who have found the one and are wondering whether to keep that person.

The story of Boaz is an interesting one. Ruth went to the field to collect grain so that she would have what to eat. While collecting grain, Boaz came to the field and said “The Lord be with you!”. That right there is the first lesson. Boaz knew the Lord and Boaz was a Godly man. There are so many cousins of Boaz today in that field. The i-know-the-Lord-but-talk-differently kind. The man you meet on the first date and his first words are utter nonsense. The ones who see your sexy body before anything. The ones who are interested in what is underneath your clothes. That kind of man is not your Boaz.

When i was in my 3rd year at the university, a friend of mine could not stop pestering me to meet her cousin who apparently had a crush on me. After so many days of being pestered, i eventually gave in to a date with this man. Fast forward, i arrived at this restaurant to meet this guy. I walked to his table and he stood up for a quick hug. What happened next was something that showed me that he was a cousin of Boaz; the i-will-grab-your-bum cousin. That hug must be the most awkward hug i have had all my life. To top it all, that man’s mouth was filthy!!! Jesus! I just wanted to get detergent and bleach to scrub his mouth because his language was just unacceptable.

Sadly though, that represents so many many today. They masquerade as Boaz but their language is pathetic. They curse, swear and insult. Unfortunately, this is very true for women today. I have come across so many women who swear worse than sailors. That one is not your Ruth.

The story of Boaz goes on. Boaz noticed Ruth and asked the overseer who she was. After hearing about her, he told her “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with the women who work for me.  Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.

Boaz cares. Boaz protects. Boaz defends!  A good man is not seen; a GOOD MAN IS FELT! This applies to a GOOD WOMAN TOO. If he does not care about how you got home or how you slept, he is not Boaz. If he wont defend you, then rest assured that he is not your BOAZ. In this category are three cousins of Boaz; the cheating-az, the lazy-az and the beatingyour-az. Those three cousins are very dangerous. A man who beats you is not Boaz. Regardless of the circumstances, if he beats you, he is not Boaz. If he is cheating, he is not Boaz. Excuse me, but cheating is not and has never been an accident. People do not trip and fall into private parts of others. It is a willingful act, whether negligent or not.

Ruth wanted to hear why Boaz was extending courtesy to her. So she asked “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?” This right here is what we call CLARITY. Clarity that many relationships do not have. Many people today are walking un-defined paths! They cannot tell if they are in a relationship, a situationship or a friendship. Boaz will not allow you to be confused about the journey you are taking. RUTH should not engage in undefined things.

Boaz replied to Ruth ““I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. 12 May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”

This speaks volumes. THE POWER OF A GOOD TESTIMONY. What do the people around you talk about your Ruth and your Boaz? Many people have got their hearts broken just because they wont listen. They fall in love and lose sight of the use of their head and ears. Where i come from, my people have a saying that he who does not hear sails in a boat made of clay. The whole world cannot be saying wrong things about that one person but you still keep his/her company.

The story of Ruth and Boaz goes on. In chapter 3, Ruth gets advice from her mother-in-law and goes and lays down at the feet of Boaz while he slept. In the middle of the night, Boaz was startled by Ruth and when he asked her what she was doing, Ruth told him that he was her kinsman-redeemer. So she lay at his feet until morning, but got up before anyone could be recognized; and he said, “No one must know that a woman came to the threshing floor.

Now this is where the cousins of Boaz and Ruth fall. BOAZ AND RUTH WILL PROTECT YOUR REPUTATION. The relationships today are interesting; people badmouth each other, gossip about their girlfriends and boyfriends behind their backs and tell the whole world about all the faults of their relationship. Total rubbish. Boaz and Ruth will protect your reputation even after the relationship ends!

I could go and on about Boaz and Ruth but in short, the journey to finding Boaz and Ruth has never been easy. After you are done dealing with his cousins; the drunk, lying, good for nothing, cheating, lazy, violent ones, allow yourself to find the one for you. I repeat; A GOOD MAN/WOMAN IS NOT SEEN BUT FELT. If it doesnt feel right, then it is not right.

THE KIND OF MEN WE CAN’T RESIST!

Blame this on my new found obsession or can i say “fling?” Anyway, that is a story for another day! Of recent, this topic comes up everytime i sit down for a conversation with my girls to catch up on what is happening in our lives. Amidst the giggling, the hushed conversations and the whispers, we cant help but scrutinize the men that walk into our lives seeking for a chance at love with these lovely Princesses and daughters of the most High God.

Some of these men make it so easy for us to say YES. Others put themselves in the rejected lane ab initio, because they are the kind that every woman will resist. So to make it easy for all the men, there are kinds of men that me and so many other ladies will not be able to resist.

1. THE INTELLIGENT MAN

Gosh, i am obsessed with intelligent men!! I literally ogle when an intelligent man is speaking because such are my kind and the kind that attract many women. An intelligent man engages you in intellectually stimulating experiences and he is not afraid to challenge my intellect. Intelligent men make me laugh with their clever sense of humour, and have an uncanny ability to make boring topics like football and politics interesting.

2. THE CONSIDERATE GUY

In this fast paced world, i am constantly noticing a trend of men who are not considerate to a woman’s needs or who unintentionally forget how sensitive women are. So a considerate guy is a fresh breath of air. A guy who will not just sit in the car and hoot for you to come out but will walk to your doorstep to pick you up. A guy who wont just drop you at home but will walk you to your door and ensure that you are safely in your house before he leaves. A guy who will give you considerate notice before he expects you to drop whatever you are doing to be with him (P.S: Emergencies and spontaneity are an exception) Such men are purely irresistible!

3. THE MACHO MAN

Machismo is the sense of being macho or manly, the concept associated with “a strong sense of masculine pride. It is associated with “a man’s responsibility to provide for, protect, and defend his family.” There is something very attractive about a man with a male ego and masculine pride but who knows that his responsibilities are to provide, protect and defend his family! Such a man will fight for you with every breath left in him. No, he doesnt have to be jealous but he should not be afraid to show the world that you are his chic and they should back off or that he will not tolerate anyone disrespecting their chic! That man right there is to die for.

4. THE CONFIDENT GUY

A confident man is very important to a career woman but even more important to us the lawyers! Lawyers can be very intimidating to many people and it is worse if the lawyer in question is female! A confident man is not shaken by your titles and what everyone else views you as. He is confident and knows his place in your life. He is not threatened by your title and by the presence of other males in your life; he doesn’t snoop around on you. He is sure of his position in your life. He knows that you are his number one man and so the rest can wait. He takes charge of any situation and is in control. Someone pass me a fan, its hot in here! (LOL, totally smitten)

5. THE SPORTY MAN

Now, all women will agree that there is something, something about a man who is athletic and sporty. A man who plays sports, be it football, rugby, cricket or basketball is totally one who makes every girl smitten! I guess it has something to do with the fact that they are physically fit and pot bellies or beer-bellies are not part of the equation. Plus you get to have regular plot of watching your man play and cheer him on! Well, what can i say? I guess you get the drift.

6. THE PUT TOGETHER GUY

Put together connotes a man who is simply orderly. A man who dresses sharply, smells clean and fresh and has got his physical appearance sorted out. We will all agree that a man dressed in clothes that are 3 sizes his size is a turn-off. I will resist the temptation to talk about a guy who smells like a he-goat but i guess you get the drift. I will also resist the temptation to talk about a guy who is unaware that toothbrushes and toothpaste are not expensive! Today i am talking about the guys that i find irresistible and a put together guy is one of those.

7. THE ROMANTIC GUY

Isn’t this one obvious? The flowers? The holding hands? The jackets on a cold date? The compliments everyday? The chocolate? The sweet messages? The whispers of sweet nothings? Opening doors? Pulling chairs? YEAH, that and so much more! We all fall crazily in love with romantic men, they are simply irresistible.

8.THE JESUS FREAK

Now, i made this the last because this is the most important and i wouldn’t want anyone to be carried away with the bonus things and forget the most important thing that matters. A man totally in love with Jesus and totally sold out to GOD. That right there is the real deal!!! With such a man, you cannot go wrong! In fact the word Jesus smells out rightly irresistible on a man! Get a man in love with Jesus and sold out to his teachings and you will automatically get a faithful man, a priest, protector and provider!  You get a spiritual covering over your dwelling and over your soul!! Men in love with Jesus are simply awesome.

So, that right there are the men that are simply irresistible. Now, lets hear about the men you find absolutely irresistible.

THE VIRTUE OF WAITING

I know i speak with authority when i say that 99% of the people in the world are not patient. If you doubt this, just look at how we behave in traffic jams, in queues at banks or supermarkets. We often get frustrated waiting and we are always in a rush to get to the next place or the next thing. It is human nature and we are always trying to justify it.

Waiting is even harder when we want to hear news about something or when we pray about something and want an answer very quickly. In such instances, our patience can be stretched and we start to question God and his ways. We wonder whether God is asleep or away on some vacation.

When  we pray long and hard about a situation we are facing without receiving any answers, we usually decide to just learn to live with it. We go on about our business, wondering if or when God will send the answer. But God does hear those prayers, and He’s working out the answers even though we may not know all the details. Our situation can change suddenly and in a twink of an eye.

However, God wants us to learn that while he is working out the finer details of our situation, we are also trusting that he is doing what is best for us and we are WAITING patiently. In the Bible, we read about the story of Mary and Martha while they are waiting on Jesus to come and heal their brother, Lazarus. When Jesus finally shows up, he was accused of taking too long and only turning up when Lazarus had been buried! They forgot that as King  of Kings and Lord of Lords, he had the capacity to do anything at any time and in any place.

Waiting on God was one of David’s secrets of being a man after God’s own heart. David went in and sat before the Lord (2 Sam. 7:18). God was his confidence, and he trusted Him in every aspect of his life: for guidance and instruction (Ps. 25:5), for help and defense (Ps. 33:20), for victory over his enemies and vindication (Ps. 37:7,9,34; 52:9), for deliverance from trouble and destruction (Ps. 40:1, 59:9), for His refuge from treachery and oppression (Ps. 62:1,5), for His forgiving love (Ps. 130:5-6), and much more. 

I once read this passage somewhere and i hope it makes sense to you as much as it did for me.

“Nothing tries our faith like waiting on God for answers to prayer. Waiting tests our submission to Him as our trustworthy Authority. Waiting is not necessarily resignation from all activity; it is submission to God’s better idea. Waiting on God means that all of our life is brought under God’s umbrella of authority and direction. If we run ahead of God, we will be painfully chastened by turmoil, exhaustion, and failure. Taking matters in our own hands has ample instructive precedent in God’s Word. Think of Abraham with Ishmael, Saul’s usurping the role of a priest, Israel looking to Egypt for help (Isa. 30:1-3), or walking in the light of our own fire (Isa. 50:11.)”

That sums up what waiting is all about! 

Waiting reveals our character! I have always confessed that I am not good at waiting. In fact i can get quite impatient if things are not moving at the pace i want them to be! With time, i have learnt a bit of patience; i am not yet there but i am on my journey. Waiting reveals a lot about our character as people and also about our motives. I have realized that every time I have a good motive for wanting something so bad, I am willing to wait for it regardless of how long it takes. But if its just something i want in the heat of the moment, i usually just give up. And that is how many of us are.

Waiting builds our dependency on God. The thing about waiting is that you finally get the point that you do not run your own life and you are not the master of your own destiny. You realize and admit that you actually need help in everything you do. You realize that without God’s intervention, you are absolutely nothing!!!!! That point of realization is always an eye-opener! Once you get to that point, you realize that if God doesn’t come through for you, you are finished! And you become fully dependent on GOD!! How sweet it is to trust in Jesus!

Therefore as Christians and even those that may not be Christians, we need to understand that God’s answer to every thing is either, “yes”, “NO” or “Wait” Do not misinterpret his “WAIT” for “NO” You must learn to wait and wait with a smile on your face.

To sum it up all, i found this useful passage on a certain website i cannot recall and it says”

How Do We Wait?

  • Prayerfully  Psalm 25:4-5 

  • With strength and courage  Psalm 27:14, 31:24

  • Rejoicing and trusting in His holy name  Psalm 33:21

  • Based on the fear of the Lord and His unfailing love Psalm 33:18,22

  • With hope  Psalm 33:20, 39:7

  • Patiently  Psalm 37:7, 40:1; Habakkuk 3:16, Romans 8:25, Hebrews 6:15

  • Obediently  Psalm 37:34, 119:166; Isaiah 26:8-9

  • Desiring Him  Isaiah 26:8-9 

  • Single-mindedly Psalm 62:5 

  • Expectantly  Psalm 123:2, Micah 7:7

  • Believing His Word  Psalm 130:5

  • Assured He is all we need, He is our portion  Lamentations 3:24

  • Quietly  Lamentations 3:26

  • Always  Hosea 12:6

  • In anticipation of joy  John 3:29

  • Eagerly  Romans 8:19,23

 
 
 

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY

Father’s day was yesterday and unlike mother’s day, this day usually goes by without much hullabaloo. And i am not shocked as to why the world chooses to let it go by without much of an acknowledgement.

We have grown up in a generation of men who do not understand what being a father entails. Many of us do not have any good memories of our fathers. Men today detest responsibility. They do not want to be bothered with children and they hate the idea of having a whole family to take care of.

But in the midst of the bad tomatoes, i cant help but be thankful to fathers like mine. A father who wakes every morning to hustle so that his family will never lack. A father who loves his children unconditionally. A father who is exemplary and strives to show his children the right path. A father who seeks God with all his heart. A father who loves his wife in all seasons and models the perfect husband that Christ intended him to be. A father who wakes up in the night to soothe a crying baby so that his wife can have some rest. A father who never forgets to fall in love everyday with the same woman. A father who disciplines his children in love. A father who is present at all his children’s milestones in life.

To all such men, we celebrate you and want to say “Happy Father’s Day.”

But in a special way, i want to wish my own dad a great father’s day.

Dad, it is hard for me to talk about you without being very emotional! Many people find me very principled and tough but you are my absolute soft spot! I melt when im with you! I become cheeky, happy, care free and become a child all over again. You are a lot of things to me that i am not even able to put it all down in writing. I cannot forget the sacrifices you have made in order for me to go through school. People made fun of your old pick up for a very long time without knowing that you had the choice of driving a posh car and putting me in a UPE school! You have modelled to me what a healthy relationship with God should look like; the ups and downs, the failures and successes and the tears and joys. In all your failures, you have somehow found your way back to Calvary, at the foot of the cross. Through you, I know that it is perfectly ok to fail God. I know that it is ok to fall down countless times. Yet i know that i have to rise up again each single moment.

Dad, you make parenthood seem so effortless yet I know that it is not true. I know that behind the scenes, away from my eye sight, you have had your struggles, your doubts and your moments of fear. I know that there are days that you have lacked. I know that there are days that you have come back home empty handed. But i respect the fact that you have never allowed me to think for a moment that you are struggling. You have carried the weight of our 6 member family on your shoulders like a true parent. When i have asked, you have given. Never have you said no, even though it meant that you would have to lack.

Dad, you have taught me never to give up, never to feel contented with a minute’s achievement and never to let the world put me down. Many people admire the strength that I have and many people wonder where i get this determination in life from. They wonder where i get this confidence from. They dont know that it is because of you. From a young age, you made it clear that my opinion mattered and so i always had my opinion and i made it known. To date, i still speak out my heart. Hypocrisy is not my portion. I am strong because you refused to raise any weakling. I am bright because you taught me that second is not first. I am principled and honest because you modeled those values to me as a child.

Little girls really do cast a spell on their dads. I know that for a fact because I cast a spell on you and you did that in return. I may not be your little girl anymore, having grown so big and a little over 75kgs but I want you to know that i admire the man that you were, are and will become.

I hope one day to be even half or even a quarter of the parent you’ve been to me. I hope that when my kids need something, I’m there for them as you have been for me. I hope that when my kids have questions, that I’m there for them as you have been for me. I hope that when they are going through good times or bad that I’m there for them, just as you have always been there for me.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY DADDY.

From your little-not-so-little girl/woman