If there is anything i can boast about, it is my circle of married friends and boy, do i have that many! I have always wondered why i seem to attract married girls as friends and why many of my guy friends are either married or headed to the altar. Maybe because i am determined that when i finally say “I do”, I intend for that commitment to be for life. Pursuant to that intention, I have taken it upon myself to learn everything I can possibly learn about marriage and i boast of a wealth of knowledge (albeit theoretical) in that area. I have read books, watched movies, sat under the feet of marriage counselors and paid as much attention as i can in that area. That notwithstanding, i am not yet married.
I will credit many of the couples that I know for my decision not to get married. When you spend a considerable amount of time listening to married people, watching their body language and interpreting their actions and unspoken words, you learn a great deal of information and whereas sometimes you want what they have, most times you are convinced to stay away from marriage, atleast for now. I am also an ardent fan of a certain Facebook page where women discuss everything marriage, children and spouses. A few men managed to sneak their way into this group. The more i read the posts, the more I become steadfast in my status.
Maybe i am judging the future boo very harshly based on other peoples’ experiences but again, caution is part of reasonable choices and i cant help it. On one of the facebook groups, a lady asked fellow ladies the one habit their husband has that makes them go nuts. There were 3 specific habits that everyone seemed to be complaining about:
1. Throwing their socks all over the house and then asking for them the next day.
2. Not helping with any housework.
3. Disorganizing the house.
When it comes to socks, i can relate because i know so many culprits including my own father. (Dad, i still love you but i just embarrassed you) Personally throwing one’s socks all over the house is annoying enough. Asking me for your socks the next day is even more annoying. My reply to the socks question was simple. If a man ever asks me for his socks, all hell shall break loose. Like, are you limbless or blind that u can’t look for them yourself or are u a toddler and I am your mother? And why are grown men throwing their socks around as if their wives are Nabugabo Upland Ltd (the guys with the tender to collect KCCA rubbish) Can’t they put their socks in one place? I dont see wives asking their husbands where their bras and panties are, yet i see grown men asking where their socks are.
Reminds me of a habit i had in school. I hated washing stockings and i still hate it to date. (Dear future hubby, take note that this girl will never be found washing your stockings or your hankies. I am not touching your “carbon-mugele” or your mucus for that matter) Because i hated washing socks, i would go to school with atleast 10 pairs of stockings and on Friday night, i would sock them all up in Omo and JIK. I would change the water on Saturday morning and sock them in fresh water and only wash them on Sunday. Gosh, i hate washing socks! I just don’t understand why someone would expect me to pick after them, organise their socks or wash them for that matter. With all due respect to persons with disabilities, i am looking for a man with 2 hands who can wash his own socks!
Another person posted ” I give him food but he leaves the plate where he has eaten from. Then when he wants water which by the way is always within his reach, he still wants you to pour it for him….”
Why don’t grown up people pick after themselves? Why? It actually bothers me so much and i am starting to think that maybe, just maybe, common sense is becoming deficient in some people. Or maybe i am still struggling to accept that many of our men have the African chief syndrome. They were brought up to be served and nothing else. Like African chiefs, they do not want to lift a finger and wait for their subjects (read wife) to do everything for them. That is why i am not married.
Did i mention the scarcity of honorable men today? Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being. These honorable men have become extinct to the extent that even when you meet one, you doubt him from the start! In addition, even choosing is difficult. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. No sensible woman wants to go through this cycle of pain and sorrow in order to get their Knight. I am glad God has kept me from this drama till todate and i have not gone through that gut wrenching string. But the more you see people go through it, the more you start to even doubt what you have although you cant help but be appreciative for the person God has brought your way. *wink*
But the biggest reason why i am not married is because i am still VERY SELFISH! Yeah i said it, I am selfish! I love myself too much. Much as someone may have taken parts of my heart, there is still that place that is strictly for me. I love myself that much that i am not ready to lose focus of me just yet and make someone else my focus. Yet, If you’re not ready to leave center stage and allow someone else to become your focus, your study, your muse… don’t get married. In marriage you don’t lose yourself but your heart has to be big enough to gain someone else. And soon, with God’s blessing: little, crying, diaper soiling, demanding little ones are coming! Do i think i am at that place where i can put my dreams aside? No! Do i think i can allow someone else to become my focus in a marriage setting? No! Do i think i can allow someone to share my house space with and my bed with? No! Am i ready to account for my every move to someone? No! And not because my movements are shady. Its simply because i have never been a fan of accounting for where i have been or where i am heading out to. Sometimes i am worried that i am too absorbed in myself that i haven’t allowed him to have a proper look inside.
Coupled with all the drama surrounding marriages today, maybe my status right now is what is best for me. The rate at which people are filing for divorces and legal separation is also a big issue especially when you work in the legal profession. You always ask yourself “Where did the love go?” “What happened?” And your guess to the answers is as good as mine. And in a nutshell, that is why i am not yet married. But there is hope for the fig tree.